This June… Simon & Emily Are Going To Hell!
This month’s book is… well… insane.
Simon & Emily Are Going To Hell
A love story. (Sort of)
There should have probably been a *spoiler alert* before the title, but as you’ll discover, Simon and Emily kinda have it coming.
After young lives spent sinning pretty much non-stop, our two ‘heroes’ cap it off by accidentally slicing a priest in half.
They’re given a choice. Go straight to hell, do not pass go, do collect two hundred monies…
Or trade souls for the devil, in exchange for a slightly cushier afterlife, albeit still in hell.
Being not entirely stupid, they pick the latter, and spend a good seven years working in The Soul Trade. However, it’s not the best business to be in when the endtimes loom, and that kinda puts pressure on a relationship.
But what else are you going to do when you’re definitely, completely going to hell?
Y’know, like it says in the title.
I don’t even know where to begin.
Perhaps at the beginning. That’s as good as place as any.
In the early 2000s, I was writing a comic book. It was about two characters that were complete dicks who were crazy in love, and just so happened to be bound for hell and carrying out Faustian deals to lighten their inevitable sentence.
In the mid-2000s, it became a movie. A low budget movie. Very low budget, shot in-between actual shows that had actual budgets. It had a fantastic cast, fantastic crew, played at some festivals and was on DVD for a bit. But then DVD stopped being a thing.
In the early 2010s, I took the original script, which was a classic MegaInsaneShitDraft, and turned the self-aware narration into a character within the book.
It was terribly written, and had way too many typeos.
But now it’s back. Because I love the story, love the characters, especially the self-aware narrator, who is as much of a self-centred dick as our two leads.
I know I shouldn’t say these kinds of things, but it’s pretty fucking funny. Assuming you don’t get offended easily, in which case you will almost definitely get offended.
Straight off the bat.
The introduction is entitled “This is the perfect book for blind people”, and it goes south from there almost immediately.
I’m not really selling this, am I?
Well, if you like to laugh, you’ll love it.
And if you don’t like to laugh, well, next month’s book is going to be a sci-fi action adventure thing that you’ll maybe dig a little more.
See you next time!